I will only wear new underwear.


What is this?  Is this old underwear?  Oh mon dieu.  No, no.  This won’t work.  You see, I will only wear new underwear.

I really don’t know why you keep forcing me to go into these stores and looking at this second hand underwear.  I mean, come on.  Je suis francaise.  Le francais ne porte pas des vielle sous-vêtements.  Do you think think this country was founded by people who wore second hand underwear?  I don’t think so, Madame.  Did Jacques Chirac lead this country in second hand briefs?  Non, non, mon petite lapin. Je ne pense pas!  Pff.

While learning French today from duolingo, I came upon the following phrase:

J’achète seulement des sous-vêtements neufs. — I only buy new underwear.

See, this is why I like duolingo.  It doesn’t just teach you a language; it teaches you important life skills.  I was just about to order second hand underwear from eBay but then I read that phrase and hit “cancel.”  Close one.  Thanks Duo.  I owe you a drink.

Oh what’s that?  How fluent am I on duolingo?  Oh just a measly 37%.  Yeah, that’s right.  I am over a third fluent in French.  Take that toute le monde!

And, honestly, you can tell.  My French friends are speaking French to me now (and I am only 1/3 understanding them, but still).  They are doing this nice thing where they talk really slowly and it’s very helpful.  I hope everyone at the wedding in France this summer speaks really slowly.

Tu vois, I am both attending a wedding in France and attending my own wedding in France.  Double wedding.  That’s right.  I will have the most authentic experience.  I will probably wear my wedding dress to both events.  I’m sure Vincent’s friends will really like that.  Like, “Wow, she’s so economical.  She’s just wearing her own wedding dress at our wedding.  That really adds to the specialness of our event.  What an environmentalist.  I bet she’s also wearing second hand underwear.”  And, then they will ask me and I’ll be like, “Oh non!  J’achète seulement des sous-vêtements neufs mon amies.”  And, they’ll be like, “Wow.  Classy.”

Je rigole! Je rigole! (I’m kidding!)  C’est blague.  (It’s a joke!)

I’ll probably wear second hand underwear.  Times are tight.