“Dear Coworkers from my first job after college,
I will never forgive you. That’s right, jerks. You threw out my special “Chocolat” mug that my mom gave me for Christmas. That’s right, Christmas! You threw it out because you had a “kitchen policy” in place where everything that was dirty was thrown into the trash (which would only make sense if the kitchen was run by a dictator). Only my mug wasn’t dirty. It was in the dish drying rack as I clearly stated to you while trying to hide my tears.
When you replaced my beautiful French, sentimental chocolate mug with a promotional mug for the non-profit we worked for, I said, thanks. But, I didn’t mean it. And, just so you know . . . I’m getting really good at darts!”
Oh sorry. I thought this was something else. That was just a side project I’m working on. I find it scary to end with that dart reference because it’s kind of vague–it makes them imagine terrible things. Like, what is she doing with these darts? Are our photos on her dart board? Is she kicking ass at the bar with her dart skills? What the dart is going on here?
In reality, I just finished my last day of French class this semester. My French teacher ended with possessive pronouns. My mind was kind of exhausted from teaching so I said, “C’est ma vache.” (This is my cow.) I think this phrase will come in handy during the holidays.
Like, for instance if a group of French revolution types (classic) come up to me and say, “We’re so hungry! We need beef!”
And then I’ll say, “Desolee, mes amies. C’est MA vache.” and then I’ll say quietly, “et mon seul ami.” (this is my cow . . . and my only friend.)
Or, I’ll use it in the negative when I don’t want to get involved in the classic bakery argument scene.
A petite French woman holds the shop’s last baguette: “C’est mon pain!”
A stout French business man or possibly the town’s mayor yells, “No, madame! C’est MON pain!”
And, then I’ll be on the side of the bakery and I’ll put on my cool American sunglasses and say with sarcastic overtones, “Pffuf. Ce n’est pas ma vache!”
I’m using it there as kind of a metaphor, as if the argument is a cow. If anyone questions me, I’ll just start running. I’ll probably be wearing some Nike Air Max’s for comfort.
Joyeux Noel tout le monde!